Love Notes

 Tonight I asked God to speak to me. I wanted that experience. That experience that some people go through when they hear, as if in the room with them, Him speak. I always hear of these experiences and become jealous. I believe in God and I believe that He is real and desperately wants me. All of me.

I always wondered why I have never had this “Vocal God” thing happen to me… I felt that maybe I had to do something drastic or that I needed to do something crazy to get God’s attention.

I always get really quiet and just plead with God to talk to me. I just open the door and invite him to speak. And deep down inside I am hoping for him to talk verbal and physical words to me…

Then it hit me.                      

God is ALWAYS talking to me. Maybe it’s not the verbal kind, like some people experience, but a different kind. Like the kind when you liked someone in middle school or high school and you leave them a note because you’re too nervous to openly confront them.

Those notes for me were always mushy because I found I could just write down or create a drawing of something that wouldn’t make me look like the bumbling idiot I am.

I LOOKED AT MY HAND.

I saw all the little creases and pores of my skin, each individual hair in its place. I heard the wind tossing the trees outside my apartment window. I saw the stars outside; the billions of galaxies that are out there. THAT IS GOD SPEAKING.

I’m not saying that God is nervous or a bumbling idiot so that he has to leave me “love notes” but that is how He does it. I look at the complexity and utter beauty of his creation and I hear him saying “THIS IS REAL. I AM REAL.”

Maybe God talks to me this way because He knows that if he revealed his “vocal voice” to me. Even the tiniest syllable; I would explode like the Nazis in The Raiders of the Lost Ark.

It’s quite absurd of me to ask God to speak to me, as if I’m daring him to prove his reality. He’s left behind all these love notes for me to find. Like it makes a girl or boy curious and excited about who wrote their note, I’ve found Creation makes me pursue Him more than if I just heard his voice and that was it… it’s beautiful. It’s beautiful because that reaffirms that HE WANTS ME TO PURSUE HIM CONSTANTLY!

And that is magical.